I was wondering aloud the other day if “piss” is a bad word. Even though etymologically it’s basically just an English corruption of a French word, I decided “piss” is a bad word for little ears/eyes; but I need it for this post to describe “one-up-manship” or, as I have heard it described more commonly, a pissing contest.
Like I said, “piss” is kind of a bad word–at least not one I’d want my young kids to say–but it’s appropriate here. A “pissing contest,” aside from the idiomatic meaning, denotes something vulgar, base, uncouth, and just plain gross. This is appropriate because “one-upping” is just as base and uncouth. I’ve been at parties when someone will tell a story–for example how he broke his leg skiing–and before he’s even finished with his story, someone will chime in with “that’s nothing, wait till you hear how I…”
Now I’m not talking about story swapping, where everyone takes turns telling about a particular subject, and I’m not even talking about healthy competitiveness. What I’m talking about is the person who constantly tries to one-up everyone else, and always has a more extreme story to tell.
I’m sure you know exactly what I’m talking about when I describe this person. You work with this person, or you see him/her at social outings, or maybe this person is you. And while I know a few one-uppers, I don’t know why they do what they do. Maybe they have daddy issues and need attention and acceptance by out-performing others. Maybe they have a hyper-active sense of social competitiveness, and they want nothing more than verbal ownage (or pwnage if you prefer). Who knows…
Regardless of who the one-uppers are, or why they act like they do, you can help stop the one-up-manship cycle. The one-upper needs someone to compete with, and if he/she starts into a story, just let him/her win. Don’t give him/her the competitive satisfaction of vying for supreme-master-of-everything; instead just let the story run it’s course. Give a smile, nod, then walk away or move the conversation back to the original topic. If you know this person well enough–he/she is your friend or someone you are close enough to say this to–call him/her on the uncool competition, tell the one-upper that nobody thinks they’re any better for having a bigger/badder/more extreme story than the first person. It’s just a pissing contest, and when you get in one everyone involved winds up with pee-pee splashed on their shoes. And that’s just gross.
Posted by Micah McMillan 
